Take Time to Remember

Serendipity Images

One connection Shari had with her brother was through photography. She enjoyed talking with him about his photos and website. She says she tried to comb him for tips for her own photographs whenever they were together. Make sure to visit Stan's Website. All sales will benefit his sons.

Remembrance Stone

This tile was painted for Tinker. Tinker's death was the first Shari faced this year. Shari and her dog had been companions for fourteen years. Tinker died of throat cancer.

Visit the Well of Magna Mater

Visit the Well of Magna Mater and like Leonie Bryant light a candle for all of those experiencing loss and grief at this time. Take the time to remember. Begin a journal entry with the words 'I remember'.

The Candles Glow.

They light my way
around the camp.
I walk from one to another
to another to another
and think and say a little prayer
for all who hurt this night.

The candles glow
and like a map
they show me where to go
to find my rest this night.

The candles glow.

They light my way
around the camp.

The candles glow.
I thank the Goddess for Her healing.
Now it's my turn to pray
for all those who hurt this night.
The candles glow.

Vi ©November 11, 2005

As the years go by, all of us have greater chances of someone departing from our lives - whether it be due to a move, a divorce, or death. Breaking away from another, whatever the circumstances can be very painful, especially at this time of the year.

In all situations, we need time to grieve. It's normal to feel sad and healthy to release those emotions, as long as they aren't used as weapons against another. One healthy way to deal with grief and sadness is through a remembrance balm - an object, action, or experience that will help you remember the goodness of the one who has departed while also soothing your soul.

Remembrance balms are as unique as the people they remember and your connection to that person. For example, my brother, a very skilled nature photographer, recently died. One connection I had with him was through photography. I enjoyed talking with him about his photos and website. I tried to comb him for tips for my own photographs whenever we were together. The morning he died, I was out of town on a business trip. I couldn't leave until the evening because all flights out were overbooked. I felt suspended in a holding pattern. I needed to do something to connect with my brother - some way of feeling his energy one more time.

Lucky for me, I travel with my digital camera and there was a park across the street from my hotel. I didn't have much time before I needed to be in a business meeting, but a few minutes of taking photos in the park was all it took. I could sense my brother pointing out spectacular vistas. I could hear him telling me what to focus on. With each click of my camera's shutter, I sent out blessings to my brother that he have safe travels on his journey to his next destination.

My feeling of sadness was still very present when I arrived at my business meeting, and will continue to hang on for a while, but I felt a little bit more peaceful, calm, and less frazzled than I think I would have had I not taken the time for this remembrance balm. Since then, each time I have the opportunity to take photos of nature, I listen for my brother's guidance and I send out my love to him. This ritual will always be a way for me to remember my brother in a positive way as well as a healing ointment for my heart.

As I mentioned above, there are as many ways to remember another, as there are people on this earth. You may already have a sense of a remembrance balm that will heal your soul. If you need some suggestions, here are just a few examples.

Remembrance Balm Suggestions

• Choose an area of your yard in which to create a memory garden. You may already have a garden that will suit this purpose. Make your own stepping stones to remember those who have departed from your life. Or purchase statues or garden decorations to represent the one you want to remember. Remember to think about your connection to the person and what would best represent that connection. It may be an animal, a garden gnome, a saint, or even a Japanese pagoda.
• Collect photos and put them on display in a special area of your home. You may want to choose just one photo, but get a wide frame and use it to attach items that relate to the person you are remembering, such as a bird feather for a bird watcher, a dog bone for a dog lover or if it happens to be a dog you are remembering.
• Write a letter to the departed person, even if it can never be delivered. Write anything that comes to your head -- things left unsaid, feelings, memories, etc. Keep the letter in a special place you can return to for re-reading during days when you are having a hard time. Or burn the letter and scatter the ashes in a significant place.
• If you are a crafter, just the act of creating can be a remembrance balm. The completed item will always hold your loving thoughts. If you knit or crochet, you may want to make a scarf or wrap to put around your shoulders when you are feeling sad. The warmth and softness will remind you of a gentle hug.
• If you have a blog or website, create a memorial page or entry. Include photos and fond memories.
• Light a candle, real or electric. Choose a scent that is reminiscent. Let the candle burn (attended, if real) for a few hours or throughout several weeks. You may wish for it to symbolize the warmth of your love being sent out to someone far away. During this time of the year you can often find electric candles meant as window decorations. Some are often rechargeable.
• Plan to celebrate the Day of the Dead whenever is appropriate for you. This Mexican celebration traditionally falls on November 1st and 2nd, but you can borrow the ritual to make your own remembrance balm any day. The essence of the holiday is to celebrate those who have died and to remember the continuity of life. One part of the celebration involves creating an altar to honor those who have passed on. The altar is decorated with items that would be attractive to those remembered. These decorations may include favorite foods, flowers, an article of clothing, a diploma, . . . anything that may have brought the person great joy. You can make a mini-altar using a shadow box, a shelf, or a photo box. You can find miniatures of objects to include in your altar if you are limited by space. Every time you see your altar, remember the good times and the qualities of the person that made you smile.

Resources

Check out this web page if you would like to find out more about the Day of the Dead. The HGTV website has step-by-step directions for making handmade stepping stones in any shape or size you desire. Or there are a wide variety of stepping stone kits you can buy. You can find them in local hobby/craft stores or stores like Target. Unfinished boxes, made of wood or paper mache, can also be found at local craft/hobby stores. Gardening and home décor companies like Plow and Hearth have a wide selection of statues, stepping stones, and other outdoor and indoor decorations that would provide you with a connection to your departed friend on sight.

For Those Who Choose Cremation

I was surprised to find that there are many options for memorializing someone who was cremated. You can do so much more now than simply encase the ashes in an urn or scatter them in meaningful locations. Below is a list of links where you can find out more about several options. Life Gems -- Ashes can be compressed to form a diamond. Precious Memories Jewelry -- Small, beautiful containers in which to place ashes and wear as a pendent. Crystal Companion -- A small amount of ash fused into a crystal. Memory Glass -- Ashes suspended in glass to form beautiful pendants or elegant paperweights. Eternal Reef -- Not into jewelry? Ashes can be infused into a manmade reef and set into the ocean where it will support ocean life. Memorial Spaceflights -- Send a portion of your loved one's ashes into space. I have also heard that you can have remains compressed into a charcoal stick or mixed with paint for an artist to use to create a memorial sketch or painting. I haven't had any luck finding specific information about these two options on the web.

I am not endorsing the companies whose links I've included here. The links are for informational purposes only. If you choose to do business with any of these companies, please investigate them as you would any online shop before buying.

presented by Shari Vogt