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Enter A Cool Contest
Pop Fiction Puzzle Complete the puzzle to go in the draw to win a Crumpler bag! The puzzle has five clues to help you answer what five items Calvin buried….
Click to enlarge Contest Winner Sarah Boland and I are delighted to announce that Adam McGlone was the winner of the Crumpler Bag Puzzle competition.
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Just Before Turning the Doorknob HB. You describe yourself as a non typical writer, preferring to write in public spaces in the company of your teenage audience. Imagine you are walking towards a doorway with notepad in hand. You have a companion. Who is the companion and what does the realm of your imagination, beyond this doorway, look like? Before I walk through the doorway, I'd like to introduce
Calvin and Hobbes. They're my favourite comic strip characters - both
from the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip written and illustrated by Bill
Watterson. Calvin is six years old, yet has the witty humour of an adult
and often says things that make me laugh out loud. I laugh mostly because
Calvin sees the world in a way that's a lot more make-believe than how
I see the world. Hobbes is Calvin's cuddly toy tiger (but to Calvin, Hobbes is a real tiger). When I read the comic strip, I see that Hobbes behaves like a toy tiger when other people (like Calvin's dad and mum) are around, but when it's just Calvin and Hobbes (and no adults around) that's when Hobbes turns into a real tiger. Calvin and Hobbes are inseparable and often go on adventures together: visiting a distant planet with Calvin as the fearless Spaceman Spiff; going back in time to Jurassic with Calvin as the Mighty Tyrannosaur; or running out the front door to see what adventure they can find in their own neighbourhood. Calvin and Hobbes love adventures - they reckon there is treasure everywhere and that the greatest treasure of all is pirates' treasure!!! OK, with notepad in hand and ready to go. I walk towards a doorway with my companion Calvin and… … just before turning the doorknob, I stop. "Hey Calvin, what's the use of a notepad in one hand if I don't have a pen or pencil in the other?" I asked. Calvin rolled his eyes backwards. "You are a world-class poop head," he yelled. "There goes our fantastic excuse to NOT have to write anything." Hmm, Calvin did have a good point. "Well, it's not like I'm planning to write a book or anything!" I assured him. "I was only planning to write a couple of words, or one sentence at the most." "A couple of words is all you're allowed," Calvin ordered. "Otherwise, you'll be stopping all the time to write and it'll interrupt our adventure." I crossed my arms. "Are you still mad about that rule where I'm only allowed to take one companion?" Calvin would've loved Hobbes to walk with us through the doorway as well. And honestly, I'd have preferred if Hobbes came too. Hobbes is great fun in a sneaking-up-and-pouncing kind of way. "Okay," I promised, holding up my hand and raising five fingers. "I'll only write FIVE words and cross my heart that my writing won't hold up our adventure." It took me 45 seconds to turn around, run up the stairs to my bedroom, tip the contents of the top drawer of my desk onto the carpet, grab a pen from amongst the pile of coloured pencils then skip back down the stairs. 45 seconds is fast! However, when I got back to the doorway, Calvin was impatiently tapped the toe of his left sneaker, his cheeks were bright red and steam whistled out of his ears (hr-hmm, okay, I admit that steam wasn't really whistling out of Calvin's ears, but it would in Bill Watterson's comics Calvin continued to furiously tap his toe. "While you were gone," he announced, like he was a teacher disciplining a student for being naughty. "I conducted an opinion poll and a whopping one hundred percent of those surveyed agreed that we definitely would have found treasure by now, that is, if we had of walked out that door STRAIGHT AWAY." I opened the front door - no one was in the yard or standing at the gate. Just Calvin, standing beside the doorway, dressed in his little black shorts, red and black striped t-shirt, red socks, white sneakers and a ginormous pack on his back. Sticking out of the top flap of the backpack was a garden shovel. Calvin looked sooo cute - his blonde hair stuck up like he'd been zapped with static electricity and at his full height he stood only as tall as my knees. "And who exactly participated in your survey?" I asked. "I participated in the survey," he answered, opening his mouth wide as he said 'I'. "And Hobbes did too! And Hobbes and me agreed that we would've definitely found pirate's treasure by now-" I clamped my hands over Calvin's mouth. "I don't reckon that's a fair survey," I argued. "Not if only two participated in the survey and you and Hobbes happen to be best friends. That's biased!" "Murn-nhfth-glth-nhrfth." Calvin squirmed in an attempt to suck in a breath. "What's that?" I asked, politely taking my hand from Calvin's mouth and whipping spit across his t-shirt. "Urgh, I nearly barfed," he gasped. "That was awesome, cover my mouth again." "Calvin, you're disgusting!" He flashed a cheeky grin. Then his shoulders slumped as he let out a big sigh. "Geez, Hobbes was in a bad mood when he left," Calvin admitted. "When Hobbes walked out that doorway, he poked out his tiger tongue and went "plutthh" and said that he was going to go on his own adventure and that his adventure was limited to zero companions and that suited him just fine because as far as he was concerned he didn't have one companion that he would've liked to have invited anyways. It's not fair. How come Hobbes gets to fly through the doorway in spaceship and we have to 'walk'?" "Are you for real," I said enthusiastically. "Neil Armstrong may have flown in a spaceship to the moon, but when he got to the moon he walked everywhere. When you walk out that doorway, imagine you're Neil Armstrong and that you're wearing a spacesuit." Calvin straightened up to his full height. His eyeballs darted left then right as he imagined himself dressed in the spacesuit. "If pirates saw me in a spacesuit they'd freak out," he said. "Hoh, they'd run away from me, then it'd be a piece-a-cake to steal their treasure!" Calvin raised his left sneaker - slowly, like an astronaut wearing moon boots - then took a step forward. "Come on, let's go!" Out the front door. Around the corner. Down the street. Over the bridge. Across the oval. Past the swing. Beyond the bushes. Down the dirt path. To the edge of Warringal Creek. "Peuw, Sarah! Did you do a fart?" "Yeh, right. The smell's coming from that drainpipe." "Blurggh, it smells like bat barf!" "Shh, you've gotta be quiet." Calvin zipped his lips. "You're right," he whispered. "Or else the pirates will hear us coming. Let's hide behind that bush, then when the pirate ship sails up the creek we'll see where they land and where they bury the treasure!" As if, I thought, fat chance of a pirate ship sailing up this creek! But it's not everyday you get to live in a comic strip. We crouched behind the bushes, and waited. Fifteen minutes. Twenty minutes. Half an hour. One hour. Still no ship. Tick tock tick - another hour passed. "This is even worser than homework," Calvin groaned. "I'm bored stiff!" I kept watch, while Calvin rested his head on the backpack, curled up in a ball and had a twenty-minute snooze. Then I had a twenty-minute snooze as Calvin (who was meant to keep watch but instead) wandered off… Thick bushes and tall trees grow along the edge of Warringal Creek, and amongst the bushes and trees dirt paths zig and zag back and forth. Calvin found it hard going squeezing his spacesuit between the thick bushes. He zigged, zagged and then zigged again before heading back towards the creek. Warringal Creek is the width of 2 cars, parked side by side, and for most of the year the water level is ankle deep. Scattered in the creek, are smooth grey rocks that the water gently flows over or politely flows around. After a thunderstorm the creek rises and the water rushes past in a hurry. Calvin stooped beside the edge of the creek, took off his backpack, pulled out the garden shovel and started to dig. The mound of dirt piled up quickly till it was higher than his head. He checked over his shoulder to make sure no pirates were spying, put the shovel down and emptied the contents of his backpack into the hole. Clink, clatter, clomp, thud! Then one last clunk as the final item dropped from the backpack. "Calvin!" A distant voice called. Well actually, it's me coz I've woken up from my nap. "Hey, Caaalvin!" Calvin's eyeballs popped out of his head, just like how bugs' eyes do. Yikes, Calvin thought, what if that's a gang of stinky ole pirates?! What if they hobble my feet and take me back to their ship, then blindfold me and argue about whether they're going to boil me up for tea or feed me to Moby Dick- "Caaaaaaal-viiin!" What if they make me walk the plank! Calvin grabbed the shovel and quickly heaped the mound of dirt back into the hole. Once it was filled to the top, he patted the ground firmly so no one could tell that he'd just dug a hole. The bushes rustled. A twig snapped. Footsteps approached. Calvin clasped his hands around his throat! He was just about to scream for heeeeeelp… Hang on a minute, Calvin thought to himself. This spacesuit is custom fitted with radioactive panels that instantly zaps anyone who dares touch me. Plus, inside the side pocket of the spacesuit is a tube of radioactive green gel - once squirted onto the enemy's skin it paralyses them instantly! If all else fails I always have my transmogrify ray. Calvin lunged forward. "Ra-haaar!" he roared. I burst through the bushes. Calvin was in the midst of a wrestling match with his backpack - he was flat on his back, the shoulder strap was looped around his neck, his legs were kicked up in the air and a tube of sunscreen was clenched in the tight grip of his left fist. The sunscreen was squirted all over his red t-shirt and smeared across his bare knees. I stood with my hands on my hips. "Calvin, what are you doing?!" His flailing legs stopped mid-kick. "You're alive!" he said, and jumped up to give me a slimy hug. "Geez, that was hairy - I was a hair-width away from getting my throat slit! You missed everything. I shook your shoulders and pinched your cheeks, but you wouldn't wake up. Pirates sailed up the creek - they dropped anchor and rowed to the creek's edge just there. I know where their treasure's buried! I almost got away with spying, but I sneezed and the captain's parrot heard me and dobbed me in. I thought I was a goner, but you should've seen me in action. I wrestled the captain and had him in a headlock. His breath smelt like barf and I saw a cockroach crawl out of his beard. I blinded the captain by squirting radioactive gel up his nose until it overflowed in his brains and oozed out his eyeballs. The captain's gang of pirates were terrified of my spacesuit. Gosh, you just missed them, they ran with their tails between their legs and sailed away the split second you got here. Aren't you glad you chose me as your companion?! I mean Hobbes, hoh, he'd have been potato mash by now." "So where's the pirates' treasure?" I asked. "Here," Calvin said, pointing at the ground. "Come on, you dig." "That's okay," I said, stretching my arms above my head. "I'm still sleepy so I'll have a sit on this log and jot down those five words that I was planning to write." "I'm not sharing them. All the glory will be mine," Calvin said, as he drove the shovel into the ground. The mound of dirt piled up quickly till it was higher than his head. He put the shovel down, checked over his shoulder to make sure I was watching then lowered himself into the hole. "You'll be sucking up to me when you see the amazing treasure that I've scored." He scooped the treasure out of the hole and threw his armload of goods onto the dry soil. Thud, plink and plop - a dirty rock, a rusty nail and a slimy worm. Calvin peered out of the hole and scratched his head. "Oops," he said and climbed out of the hole. "That's right, the pirates buried their treasure over there." He took five steps to the right and dug another hole, then put the shovel down, checked over his shoulder to make sure I was watching and lowered himself into the hole. Plop, plink and thud - more grubby rocks and another slimy worm. "You'll be begging to do my homework and my house chores." Calvin climbed out of that hole, took five steps backwards and dug another hole. Plink, thud, plop - more rusty nails and another slimy worm! Calvin peered out of the hole. "Just you wait and see, you'll eat slimy worms to impress me." Puffing and panting, he scrambled out of the hole, took five steps to the left and dug again. "You'll be cleaning my room and making my bed." Calvin heaved himself out of the fourth hole and rested his back against a mound of dirt. "There really is treasure buried under here somewhere," he said. "Truly, it's the most amazing treasure. You'll be begging to eat my vegetables; you'll even eat my boogies. I reckon if I dared you'd even eat Mum's meatloaf. Hello, don't pretend to ignore me coz I know you're dying to see what the pirates buried." "Huh?' I looked up from the notepad. "Oh, sorry," I said. "I've got the worst case of writer's block. Hmm, I'm not sure what five words to write? Should I write my five favourite words, or five words I can't stand, or five words that make up one sentence, or five words to describe how noisy you are and how much you're distracting me- "You nincompoop," Calvin shrieked, "If you actually helped me dig, you could list the five things that are buried under here!" "Since there isn't any treasure buried under there," I corrected. "My notepad would remain blank." "There is treasure!" "Is not!" I said. "Is too!" "Not!" "Too." "Not!" ZOOOOOooooooooOOOMMMM! A black spaceship, covered in white graffiti, blasted through the trees, skidded to a halt and hovered above our heads. Hobbes grinned down at us - from inside the spaceship's window - and waved. "I've found the best treasure!" Hobbes announced through the spaceship's microphone. "I found a meteorite, a shooting star that I caught in my own bare hands as I was zooming past Planet Mirzog, a super sonic ray-blaster gun, an awesome silver robot that can talk AND check this out!" He held a chunk of white rock. "It's a piece of moon and it's perfect for signing my tag! I've tagged Planet Batalia, Planet Borzigma and some other distant planet that I can't remember the name of coz I ended up visiting so many. Hey Calvin, spiffy spacesuit. How come it's so dirty?" "I've been digging!" Calvin answered. "I must have a shrunken-elephant's-bum-for-brains coz I buried my Playstation! I also accidentally-on-purpose buried three things of yours plus a half eaten Snickers bar. There buried under here somewhere but I've dug and dug and dug and I can't find them! And Sarah's been a lazy-bum and hasn't helped me one bit. She said she feels sick, but there's no such thing as writer's disease!" "Writers block," I said, holding up my notepad. "Guess what, news flash! I've only got four more words to go!" "But what about my Playstation that's buried under here somewhere?" Calvin asked. Hobbes gave Calvin the thumbs-up. "No sweat Calvin," he called from his microphone. "This spaceship's equipped with a super sonic laser beam that detects all kinds of alien matter. I'll just program in a few commands." Hobbes busied himself with the switches and buttons. A chute at the bottom of the spaceship opened up, a yellow laser beam zapped out and scanned the ground where Calvin had dug. "Bingo!" Hobbes confirmed, "There's treasure alright." He blasted a fresh hole into the ground. "Woo-hoo" Calvin cheered. He dusted the dirt off his Playstation and gave it a hug. "Want a lift home?" Hobbes asked. "Finished!" I yelled, waving the notepad at Calvin and Hobbes. "I've made a puzzle using a list of five words that name the five pieces of treasure that Calvin buried. Cool, let's go home!" Hobbes zapped the laser beam and lifted us and Calvin's treasure aboard the spaceship. We blasted out of the trees. Zipped past the swing. Zwoomed across the oval. Zwinged over the bridge. Ga-zoomed around the corner and skidded through the front door.
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